Quotes of the Week #8

"You had to learn the language and eat bake beans on toast, and jelly babies and mars bars and watch Only Fools and Horses!"
David Ginola on adapting to English Football

"You have to watch it on TV folks! It is absolutely bizarre. If ever there was a time when we could do with a referee or someone representing them to come out and give us an explanation, this would be the weekend.
Charlie Nicholas on Kuyt's goal

"I never feel under pressure. I feel very secure in myself and very positive. We will turn things around."
Paulo Sousa after his Leicester side was beaten 6-1 by bottom of the league Portsmouth

"You have to juggle around your team, I've found and when you keep changing your team, it makes it difficult to get continuity."
Harry Redknapp with a ridiculously obvious statement

"Surely if Houllier can motivate Heskey in a way that MON couldn't seem to do, there must be hope for us all. "
Aston Villa fan Craig Cochrane. He must be good if he makes Heskey look okay

"Emile is a players' player. I wouldn't fancy playing against Emile week in and week out."
James Collins. Rather him than Drogba

"Wenger has to get rid of this blind-spot he has got about goalkeepers because the ones he has got aren't good enough."
Matt Le Tissier

"The fans love him, the players love him. We would love him to stay here for years to come."
John Terry on Nicolas Anelka. I don't!

"There is a way to lose and win with dignity. I don't think Big Sam knows either."
Blackpool Fanzoner Adam Ogden

HAYE vs HARRISON BANTER

Harrison: "This is the mountains. I've got an axe - it ain't for David Haye, it's for the bears. We're in the wilderness and we ain't playing. David Haye better be ready for a serious, serious fight. We are as serious as a heart attack."

Haye: "We're going to contact the British Boxing Board of Control and request that Audley be allowed to use the axe in the ring on November 13. "I'm deadly serious about this. At least if Audley has an axe in his left hand, I might have something to look out for. Even with an axe in his hand, Audley doesn't stand a chance. What good is an axe if you're too scared to throw it? "It's a shame he couldn't have used the axe to cut through the rubbish that has been coming out of his mouth recently."

Harrison: "I start my training regime at 6am"

Haye: "I wake up at midday and I do my running when it feels right. "I'm conked out like a baby on Night Nurse at six o'clock in the morning and I admire Audley for his willingness to interrupt his sleep pattern to go for a jog. Rest assured, he'll be able to catch up on plenty of sleep when I finish with him on November 13.

TURNAROUND OF THE WEEK

19th September- "There is loud and clear talk in the bookies circle that some English players were paid enormous amounts of money to lose the match, no wonder there was total collapse of the English side"
Ijaz Butt

29th September- "I would like to make it quite clear that in the statements which I made I never intended to question the behaviour and integrity of the England players nor the ECB nor to suggest that any of them were involved in any corrupt practices or in a conspiracy against Pakistan cricket."
Ijaz Butt

CHANT OF THE WEEK

'You're just a sh*t Edgar Davids'
Palace fans at Robbie Savage

NUMBER CRUNCHING

£20k: What it would have cost to send a Nigeria team to the Homeless World Cup in Brazil. Organisers: "We tried our best but couldn't raise it, so we had to pull out. The players are broken hearted."

£520k: Amount Nigerian FA officials allegedly spent on sending 47 delegates plus 173 "friends and girlfriends" to South Africa. They deny fraud charges

2018 WORLD CUP NEWS

March: Fifa confirm the 2018 bid process will be "totally transparent" to protect its credibility.

September: David Beckham travels to Trinidad to coach 200 young players; Holland bid president Ruud Gullit travels to Trinidad to provide training to 25 Trinidad coaches. Trinidad MP Jack Warner – controller of three of 24 Fifa votes – says the gestures are "heartening".

HIGH MORALS

Russia 2018 head Vitaly Mutko says he's exasperated. "No matter what we say we are portrayed as a hotbed of corruption. It is not true." (£986: Cost of Mutko's hotel room per night for a 20-day trip to Vancouver. Mutko says an inquiry will find "nothing wrong".)

FIFA NEWS

£8.1m: Cost to South African taxpayers of the extra police needed this summer when Fifa's World Cup stadium security staff went on strike over low wages. A bill sent by the government to Fifa's local organising committee has not yet been paid. Fifa: "We have received the bill. It needs further discussion." (£2.5bn: Fifa's predicted profit from South Africa.)

ZERO TOLERANCE

War on racism news: football's governing bodies release their rulings on Lokomotiv Moscow fans displaying a banner featuring a banana, aimed at Peter Odemwingie. Fifa: "This is not for Fifa. It is a matter for the Russian FA or Uefa." Uefa: "This issue does not come under Uefa's jurisdiction. It is up to the national association". National association. "There was nothing racial in it."

HYPOCRIT OF THE WEEK

Portsmouth administrator Andrew Andronikou: taking action against Genoa for failing to pay part of Kevin-Prince Boateng's transfer fee. "They have all sorts of excuses. It's come to a point where we've had enough."£3m: Amount Portsmouth owed Spurs for Boateng when they went into administration. Total owed to other clubs: £17.3m.

LOVE NEWS

Uruguayan supermodel Zaira Nara on her love for Diego Forlán: "Diego has given me a time limit to become pregnant. By the time of the 2014 World Cup he wants me to have produced at least once. It is a lovely state of affairs. I am ready for a quiet life."
How Romantic!