Quotes of the Week #4

"Davids is as fit as a fiddle and has a real hunger and passion for the game."

Sky Sports News' Peter Beagrie on Palace's new signing

"I merely ask that the next player who rolls up at St Andrews for transfer talks wants to live in Birmingham, wants to play for Birmingham and wants to give his all for the cause."

A Birmingham fan on new signings. I'm sure they want to play for Birmingham but suely no one wants to live in Birmingham

Interviewer: You’ve made your name, Harry, as a bit of a wheeler and dealer, there’s not been much wh….

Redknapp: Na, na I’m not a wheeler and dealer, fu*k off. (Walks off). I am not a fu*king wheeler and dealer, I am a fu*king football manager.

An interviewer gets his banter with Harry Redknapp all wrong. In case you haven't seen the interview yet, here it is

ARSHAVIN CORNER

From Ertassov: Hello Andrey! I would like to say that you are my favorite footballer. I want you to come to Kazakhstan (Aktobe city) and support our team in the Champions League. All the best, Aidar.

AA: I can come with Arsenal and “kill” it ;)

Andrei with a lovely, warm response

From bulanmisha: “We've Got Arshavin, FUCK Adebayor!"

AA: I’ve heard that

From shmelkat: What are going to do after your football career? It’s Katya writing, 12 years old.

AA: Katya, it’s Andrey answering, 29 years old: I do not know ...

Just a bit tongue in cheek!

From www999: Hi Andrey, my question is: how can I improve my dodging technique?

AA: By working on it

Brilliant advice from Andrei

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN

FEBRUARY: Qatari Fifa executive Mohamed Bin Hammam says he'll block Sepp Blatter's bid for a fourth term in the 2011 elections: "The time has come. Fifa needs an Asian president."

MAY: Sepp publicly backs Qatar's 2022 World Cup bid. "I strongly feel the World Cup should come to Qatar!"

AUGUST: Bin Hammam says Sepp deserves a fourth term. "Let me be very clear. I will be backing Sepp Blatter to remain in office. He is my very good friend!"' (Sepp says claims of a deal are malicious. "I have most certainly not made any sort of deal with Qatar. How could I? As president of Fifa I would never misuse my office!")

THOROUGH INSPECTION OF THE WEEK

New from Fifa's ethics board last week: a "full investigation" into allegations of player and staff abuse by North Korea after the World Cup. Fifa's method: asking North Korea if they abused their players and staff. The result: "North Korea assure Fifa that the reports were baseless ... Fifa has decided to close the matter."
What a great job they're doing there!

NUMBER CRUNCHING

£142m: The new annual "solidarity package" paid to Football League clubs – a record redistribution deal. "Premier League clubs take their responsibility for all levels of the game very seriously."

£130m: Man City's spending on transfer fees this summer, not including wages. City's Brian Marwood says criticism is "laughable". "People don't know the facts. This club needed the investment."

HYPOCRITS OF THE WEEK

21 Aug, Emmanuel Adebayor: "I am very happy to be part of this club. I know there are a lot of things being written that I will be leaving, but I am not. I love it at Manchester City."
27 Aug: "If a team comes in for me, I will leave. I must fight for myself."

23 Aug, Asmir Begovic, Stoke: "If a bid for me is accepted, that's a different story, but in the meantime I just have to get on with my job. Speculation is part and parcel of being a footballer. There's lots of talk, but at the end of the day you come to work and do your job."
24 Aug: Tony Pulis: "He said this morning he didn't want to play for us in the cup. I find that desperately disrespectful."

16 Aug, Barcelona director Andoni Zubizarreta: "There is nothing with Mascherano. In fact, he is a player who does not fit into our plans. He is a great player but there is nothing going on."
27 Aug: Signs him.

More quotes next week

Sports Picture #4

That's gotta hurt

Review of the Week #4

Anyone who played the football pools this weekend was left in disbelief as the mighty wigan (conceded 18 in their last 3 league games) beat Spurs 1-0. It may have been that Spurs were tired after a midweek win over Young Boys but the result was still less likely than Neil Warnock saying how much he enjoyed the referee's performance.

Chelsea fans had to settle for 2 goals against Stoke (I swear I heard some Chelski fans saying they were going to go and support Man Utd as they put 3 past West Ham).

Tevez paid hommage to Ronnie Rosenthal against the Black Cats with an awful miss before Darren 'England's best striker but according to Capello not as good as Emile Heskey' Bent, stole 3 points in the 94th minute.

Villa got back to winning ways after being embaressed by Newcastle last week and Liverpool fans finally have something to smile about after they beat West Brom 1-0. Well done!

QPR got an unbelievable draw away at Derby as they scored in the 92nd and 95th minute to rescue a point...looks like it wasn't a good day robbie (those of a nervous disposition please don't watch this video...however if you enjoy seeing Robbie Savage making a tit of himself then go ahead).

Andy Hammil scored a great solo goal for Barnsley as they beat Middlesbrough 2-0 while Ipswich and Millwall continued their decent form to move into 2nd and 3rd below QPR in the table.

Edgar Davids has played at the Nou Camp, The Bernabau, The San Siro...and on Saturday made his Palace league debut at Scunthorpe's 9,000 seater Glanford Park. Scunthorpe seem to be the Eagles' bogey team as they ran out 3-0 victors and have now put 7 past the South London side in their last 2 encounters. One Palace fan on a forum joked 'I'm a bit worried that he (Davids) doesn't actually know who we are. Maybe someone showed him a picture of the team and he thinks he's signing for Barcelona'. While another pair of jokers had their say on the Dutchman's arrival:
Fan 1- "Him sitting in front of the Back 4 will be class"
Fan 2- "but he is so old he probably will be sitting in a deck-chair"
One fan on the BBS posted a brilliant picture of Edgar Davids buying his train ticket to Scunthorpe (bet he can't believe his luck!).

It's been crazy times recently at Southampton where their Chairman Markus Liebherr died earlier this month. Then today, after a 4-0 away win at Bristol Rovers, the club has decided to sack Alan Pardew as manager. Seems a harsh sacking since last year under Pardew the club won the LDV Vans Trophy, finished 1 place outside the play-off and have got off to a good start this season.

Outside of Football and a rollercoaster final test match saw England reduced to 102-7 before Broad and Trott put on a Test record stand of 332 to put England in the driving seat. England then went on to bowl Pakistan out for 74 however before they could claim victory on the final day, allegations about a betting scam surfaced and overshadowed what was a fantastic England win. The News of the World alleges that Pakistani players were secretly paid to deliberately bowl no balls. Its not the first time 'no balls' have been in the news this week. In a match recently between India & Sri Lanka, India needed 1 run to win with Sehwag on 99 not out. Sehwag hit a 6 off the final ball but Suraj Randiv had bowled a huge (rather suspect) no ball which won India the game and meant Sehwag's 6 didn't count. You can guess Sehwag wasn't exactly pleased.

Jenson Button crashed out of the Formula 1 race in Spa this weekend as Sebastian Vettel drove straight into him leaving Lewis Hamilton to win the incident packed race. Mark Webber finished second after an awful start but mainly thanks to Robert Kubica, who finishe third after he failed to stop correctly in the pit lane and almost ran over a mechanic.

Elena Baltacha (she's Britain's number 1 women's tennis player in case you didnt know...I didn't!) is into the 2nd round of the US Open after beating Petra Martic 6-2, 6-2. I'm not going to pretend to be interested in women's tennis, if only it was more like this.

I leave you with an absolutely brilliant interview between Harry Redknapp and a Sky reporter after Spurs were beaten by Wigan. Top Tip- Dont try cheeky banter with Harry Redknapp...Watch this

Check back next week

Video of the Week

Football reporter Jessica Kastrop gets a ball right on her head...

Can Murray finally go all the way?

Andy Murray is being tipped to go all the way at the US Open as the Scot is arguably in the form of his life at the moment. In the Toronto Master he swept to victory beating Rafael Nadal and Rodger Federer showing he has the ability to compete with the best in the world and the temperament to win the big matches instead of falling under pressure.

His loss to Mardy Fish in the week at the Cincinnati Masters in the midday heat seems to be a blessing in disguise as he will now have more time to prepare for the tournament at Flushing Meadows. Murray was runner up in 2008, losing to Federer in the final however the Brit has a favourable record against the Swiss and if he gets on the right side of the draw (avoids playing both federer and nadal) he’s in with a good shout.

Murray’s problem has always been his fitness. In 2005, during the first round of the US Open he was sick on court and the following year he struggled with an ankle injury. He has been criticised for not being fit enough to play 5 set matches consistently while players like Federer seem able to maintain their game even after hours on court.

Although there are those who dislike Murray due to his past comments about the English and the fact he constantly looks miserable, it appears now is the best time to be behind him as Britain actually has a fighting chance of winning a Grand Slam. Yes, he was taught how to play in a different country…Yes, he has the charisma of a dead ant but come on you doubters, be patriotic!

The Scot prefers the hard surfaces of Flushing Meadows as they suit his game but the real test will be whether he can sustain his current form. He must be prepared to play 35 sets without succumbing to fatigue and jump the final hurdle to become the first Brit to win a Slam since Fred Perry won the same tournament in 1936.

Video Collection

Sport in Comedy

From now on this slot will include a selection of videos around a certain suject. Gonna carry on with the 'sport in comedy' theme for this week

Harry & Paul on Women's Tennis

Family Guy doing Zinidine Zidane

Jason Manford on footballers

The legendary Two Ronnies with their squash sketch

Quotes of the Week #3

"The security challenges are enormous but we cannot allow the terrorists to win. They must lose by an innings - repeatedly."

Giles Clarke (England & Wales Cricket Board Chairman) with a lovely little cricket analogy

"It has been my dream to play my part in taking my hometown club to the Premier League."
Craig Bellamy on joining Cardiff. 'It's been my dream ever since Mancini told me to piss off'

"We made some good changes and I really believe that this can be our year."
Martin Skrtel getting ahead of himself. Let's be honest, if this is their year, they'll just make 4th place

"These people are clowns. I am dying with laughter."

Believe it or not, Nicola Anelka doesn't agree with the 18 match ban given to him by the French Federation after his disgraceful actions during the World Cup

"Wigan looked all over the place against Blackpool last weekend and I fear the 8-0 defeat against Chelsea on the final day of last season will play on their minds."

Sky Sport's Ed Chamberlin. Looks like it did. Wigan's last 3 Premiership matches. Scored 0. Conceded 18!

"This is football. Wigan got smashed at home by a team that everyone thought would be the whipping boys of the division, but maybe they'll go and give the champions a game this week."

Paul Merson. Maybe they will...or maybe they'll just be embaressed again (lost 6-0)

"I only realised I was on 97 today because my mum told me. She was only coming to see me get 100. She was off to the proms tonight, so I was glad I could get it before tea so she could get off!"

Graeme Swann after reaching his 100 England wicket

"Look, Darth Vader could come to Spurs. I don't care."

Beniot Assou-Ekotto on William Gallas. I wonder if Darth would get the same reception from Arsenal fans.

"John Terry is the captain of all team captains, he was born with the captain's armband on his arm."

Carlo Ancelotti. Born with it on until Fabio takes it after he sleeps with his mates missus

"I might be in a bit of a Skoda garage rather than a Mercedes garage, but I am telling you some old bangers don't half polish up great"

Ian Holloway still on good form.

HYPOCRIT OF THE WEEK

This Week: Alex Ferguson says about new signing Bébé, "I haven't seen him (Bebe) play...but other clubs were starting to hover on the boy so we made a quick decision and said 'Well why don't we go for it'"

Last Week: Fergie attacks reckless spending by rivals, "There's this kamikaze effort to spend money at some clubs. It's amazing".

TRANSFER NEWS

1st August, Mesut Ozil: "Only the facts count and the fact is I am under contract with Werder Bremen. I am a friend of honesty. I have always respected my contract and been happy to fulfil it. Why should not be any different?"

17 August: Joins Real Madrid

WORST EXCUSE

Harry Redknapp, Before match vs Bern: "The artificial pitch looks fine, a good surface, very good"

Harry Redknapp, After the loss vs Bern: "It's not an excuse, but I played on Astro Turf myself at QPR and hated every minute of it. I don't agree with Astro Turf".

FINALLY

Natalie Weber says she wont cash in on dating Lazio's Mauro Zarate. Weber, posing for a photo-shoot in a thong while lying on top of Zarate said, "We are a modest couple, not interested in showing off or posing for magazine photographs surrounded by our wealth. That would sully what we share: 100% love".

More quotes next week

Sports Picture #3

I know they say 'stay tight to the player you're marking'...but surely this is too close?

Review of the Week #3

So the big news at the start of this week was Craig Bellamy signing for Cardiff. The move has angered many in football as Cardiff are £15million in debt and still owe money to several clubs.

The Cardiff club shop had such a surge in Cardiff fans printing BELLAMY on their strips that the club shop rang out of the letter Y. Thousands of Cardiff supporters are looking forward to the debut of new star 'Bellam'.

However during the Football League Show's 'Send us your daft e-mails' section, one fan reckoned that a rise in shirt sales and attendances might pay off the debts. Do you know how many shirts you’d have to shift to make £15million quid you mug?
Cardiff are only paying Bellamy £10,000 a week which means Man City are now paying £50,000 a week (£2.5million a year) so that Bellamy (in my opinion their best player) doesn’t play for them. He must really be a bastard if you'd pay that much money not that have him around.

Man City have signed James Milner in a £24million swap as Stephen Ireland has moved to Aston Villa. Fair enough Milner is class, but I'd say Ireland is of equal quality while Barry has looked a shadow of his former self since leaving Villa Park. Ireland said that he was 'glad to be out of there. Milner is in for a shock'. Villa really shouldn't be too upset with £24million and Stephen Ireland.

Palace celebrated leaving administration by signing Edgar Davids. In response to another mug on the 'Send us your daft e-mails' section who wasn’t happy about Palace signing one of the greatest ever midfielders...if you're reading mate, the new owners do know what they are doing and we are not breaking the bank signing him. There's no pleasing some people.

Some Chelsea fans were expecting double figures after they destroyed West Brom last week and Wigan were put to the sword by Blackpool but they had to settle for 6-0. Wigan have now made the worst start to a Premier League season ever. Played 2, lost 2, scored 0, conceded 10!

Arsenal were rampant as they put 6 past Blackpool with Theo 'no end product' Walcott bagging a hattrick. It was a tough wake up call for Ian Holloways side but he was disappointed with a sending off which seemed harsh and 'was happy it wasn't 10'.

Tony Pulis was also unhappy with the referee as Jon Walter's 86th minute header looked to have crossed the line but it was not given. If only there was some way to tell if it did cross. Maybe some goalline technology or video evidence? That would surely be easy for the richest sport in the world? I think I might write a letter to Sepp Blatter.

With Walter's goal not gievn, Gareth Bale's stunning volley was the decider as Spurs triumphed 2-1. Serious contender for goal of the season already in my book.

With just 19 games played in the Premier League so far, 4 have now resulted in a 6-0 scoreline as Newcastle thrashed Aston Villa at St James’ Park thanks to a hattrick from Andy Carroll.

After completing 104 passes (the highest ever on an opening weekend), Paul Scholes’ continued his sparkling form with another goal but United were held to a 2-2 draw by Fulham as man mountain Brede Hangeland scored a last minute equalizer.

In the Championship, Cardiff demolished Doncaster 4-0 as Craig Bellamy scored a screamer on his debut and QPR went top with 100% record with a home win over Scunthorpe. Portsmouth carried on their disappointing form losing to Preston and Palace were unlucky to have Claude Davis sent off in a 2-1 home loss to Ipswich.

Leicester fans marked the arrival of their new Thai owners by coming up with possible chants. 'Can't Thai me love' and 'Live and let Thai' are absolute genius but their poor form continued with a 3-0 loss at Burnley.
In cricket, England lost the 3rd test to Pakistan after some woeful batting. Pietersen has gone from hitting 6's for fun to scoring 29 in 2 innings while Strauss only managed 19.

Andy Murray has warmed up for the US Open by losing to Mardy Fish in the Cincinnati masters. He beat Federer and Murray in his recent Toronto Masters victory so will fancy his chances of winning his first grand slam at Flushing Meadows. He could well do as long as he stays on court and off the kareoke.

Fabio Capello has been in the press after accepting tickets to the ryder cup, 9 days before England’s first Euro 2010 qualifier against Montenegro. Having seen tha North Korea's manager was punished with hard labour on a buliding site due to the countries poor World Cup performance, I wouldn't mind seeing Fabio clean a few streets after England's shocking campaign.

Ironically, 2 of the best players this weekend, Walcott and Bale, were both excluded from the World Cup squad by a certain Mr Capello. It's more bad press for the Italian, who amazingly earns around 500 times what Sir Alf Ramsey earned when in charge and is now under extreme pressure from the media.

In unimportant news, Abbey Clancy is apparently preparing to forgive Peter Crouch after he allegedly cheated on her with a teenage prostitute. I love Crouchy after one interview where he was asked 'what would you be if you weren't a footballer' to which he replied 'a virgin'. If this is true though, then he is an utter mug, cos lets be honest, she is not only stunning but way out of his league.

Check back next week

Palace sign Davids

Crystal Palace officially came out of Administration today after months of financial trouble. Having gone into administration in January, Palace were docked 10 points and narrowly avoided relegation on the final day of the season. Now out of administration, the club's first move was to sign Edgar Davids earlier today.

The Dutch international has played at clubs such as Ajax, Inter, AC Milan, Barcelona, Spurs, Juventus and he now has the honour of adding Crystal Palace to his CV. Davids has won the Champions League, UEFA Cup & Serie A as well as being chosen by Pele to feature in the FIFA 100 Greatest living footballers. The move is on a pay-per-play basis and Davids said 'It's an exciting time for the club, and it is an exciting time for me. I just want to enjoy football and show what I can do'. The signing is more good news for Palace fans who have seen the club restored to health by CPFC2010, the consortium which purchased Palace. They'll be hoping that more good times lie ahead.

The new Palace owners- Martin Long, Steve Parish & Stephen Browett