Quotes of the Week #2

"This is low as it gets. The position we are in at the moment is quite similar to when we didn't qualify for the European Championship."
Steven Gerrard

"Before anyone asks a question, I just want to make sure you can see me - you can see me here and I'm not a cardboard cut-out, because somehow or other, I'm not supposed to be here"
Ian Holloway responding to reports that he was to quit as Blackpool manager.

"But unfortunately I can't afford his left little toenail and I wouldn't insult Stoke by even going to them."
Holloway with another blinder about the possibilty of signing James Beattie

"For me, that was a perfect example of why cricket should adopt a yellow and red card system, as in football."
Bumble on Stuart Broad's actions as he threw a ball at the head of a Pakistan batsman

"I hope when David is okay he can play his last game here at Wembley in a friendly to say goodbye and thank you very much to the crowd."
Capello during THAT interview before the Hungary game

"David can hold his head up high for the service he's given to the England team."
Steven Gerrard. Here here.

"I'm not a fan of City's spending this summer. It looks like they've bought a lorryload of players and haven't thought about how they'll fit into a team. "
Paul Merson

Where's Toldo? Man City's spending is getting out of hand!

"Every time I go away with England, I always sit next to him for dinners."
Theo Walcott. What about getting him to teach you how to cross a ball theo?

"I'm as cross as a cross man in a cross shop. That's putting a light-hearted slant on it."
Brian Noble after his side's last-gasp defeat. That really is cross!

"I don't think any of us in our wildest dreams believed that we could come here and do that."
Ian Holloway. Neither did we Ian.

"I don't want to criticise referees but I think he's only been refereeing for four years and it looked like it."
Steve Bruce. Love it. 'Don't want to criticise him BUT...'

"Lee Cattermole has been sent off four times now and he's not played a lorryload of games; but he is the captain of the club and he can't be getting sent off - he's got to use his brain."
Harder said than done for a footballer. The great scholar Merson divining more football wisdom

"Rafa has had an unbelievable season so far so to beat him in the first big hardcourt tournament of the season is huge for my confidence."
Andy Murray. So that's what Benitez has been up to

ARSHAVIN CORNER
Hi Andrey! I just wanted to ask, if your daughter decided that her dream was to play professional football, would you encourage/support her in this?
Arshavin: I hope it will never happen.

Andrey, are you frightened of bears?
Arshavin: On the contrary, I like bears.

From 19garik78Hello Andrey. My name is Garik. I want to ask you something. I date a girl who is your big fan and admires you very much. She said she’d agree to marry me if I got her a photo, a poster or something like this with your autograph. If it’s not too difficult for you, could you please send me something? I’d be grateful for the rest of my life. Thank you in advance. My address, Stavropol region, Mineralnye Vody Lermontova str
Arshavin: Are you sure you won’t regret it? :)

If you have any quotes, stadium announcements or chants then please send them to browett_ben@hotmail.co.uk. Check back for more quotes next week...

Sports Picture #2

Forget the headbutt. Zidane pulling your ear and kicking you where it hurts most has to be more painful...

Review of the Week #2

Good luck comes to those who wait. Well, it certainly doesnt come to those who get promoted. Newcastle are welcomed back to the top flight tomorrow away at Manchester United while West Brom had to start away at Chelsea and were duly thrashed 6-0 (would have been a different score if the match was played in 5 weeks time). While on this topic, isn't it funny how of Man United's opening games in the previous 10 years, 8 have been at home...isn't it funny how Man United start and end this season at home just like the previous 3 years...so funny I can barely contain myself. But I digress...

There must be something about South Africa which players dont like as all those who didnt bother to turn up in the incredibly boring early rounds of the World Cup were knocking them in for fun this week. Everyone's favourite baby pleased Daddy Carlo with a hattrick, Malouda who was part of 'les imposteurs' scored twice and Gerrard stepped up when it didn't matter to score two blinders against Hungary (nice goals stevie but around the 60 minute mark agaisnt Germany would have been better timing).

Anyway, congratulations must go to Blackpool who spent an incredible 2 hours top of the premiership. Ian Holloway's dressing room posters saying 'If heskey can play for England, so can you' are obviously working on Marlon Harewood (I don't know if this is actually true).

Some players seemed to forget who they were during Arsenal vs Liverpool. David Ngog forgot he's David Ngog and actually scored a goal; Joe Cole suddenly thought he was Roy Keane in a moment of madness and Pepe Reina has obviously been taking goalkeeping lessons from this keeper.

Sportsman of the Week goes to Christian Poulsen and his agent. - 1st August- Poulsen's Agent "The Newspapers have no link to reality. Let me close this saga once and for all. He is staying in Turin. The constant stories make us tired. Christian will not join Liverpool". 12th August- Christian joins Liverpool.

The big news in the Championship was that Steve Coppell had walked out as Bristol City manager after 1 league game in charge however he was soon joined by Kevin Blackwell who resigned after his Sheffield United side lost 3-0 at home to QPR. Millwall sit just above QPR at the top of the table after thrashing Hull 4-0 and Palace fans sung their hearts out away at Barnsley but lost 1-0 as they failed to find the net.

Outside football, Tyson Gay ran the second fastest 100m ever in Britiain (9.78seconds) at Crystal Palace although more remarkable is journalists reluctance to use his first name in headlines. I have to admit, I was pretty shocked before I realised they were talking about the sprinter, when I read- 'GAY WINS IN STYLE'.

Andy Murray beat Rafael Nadal 6-3, 6-4 in the Semi-Final of the Toronto Masters and was evidently so overwhelmed in the interview he thought he'd act like a family member had just died. Come on Andy...you don't have to be a comedian but a smile would be nice!

So a pretty exciting start to the Premier League and sport elsewhere. Check back next week.

Video of the Week

Ezequiel Calvente scoring a penalty for Spain against Italy in the u21 championships using his standing foot to deceive the keeper...

Premier League Predictions

So the Premier League starts in 2 days time and its going to be another rollercoaster ride. There's been big news in Martin O'Neil leaving Villa, Man City have spent a ridiculous amount of money on overrated players as expected and time will tell whether new rules regarding homegrown players will affect the league. So how are the clubs chasing the league title and those aiming to avoid relegation going to do..

ARSENAL: Chamakh on a free is a great signing and a great bit of business. The striker who has had a great pre-season is guarenteed to score more goals than barn-door Bendtner and with Robin Van Persie fit Arsenal may finally have an end product. They've managed to keep Fabregas but are still a little weak at the back for my liking and without a proven goalkeeper. 2nd

ASTON VILLA: It's going to be a hard season for Villa. No signings can replace the loss of Martin O'Neil and they are yet to replac-e Gareth Barry. Their best player at present looks set to follow Barry to Man City meaning that a lot of pressure will be on youngsters Young and Agbonlahor to produce the goods. 8th

BIRMINGHAM: They've spent £12m on 2 players but they seem to be good signings. Ben Foster is a good replacement for Joe Hart in goal and 6ft 7" Nicola Zigic has an excellent goalscoring record. They are in for a good season. 7th

BLACKBURN: Haven't really strengthened and Big Sam will struggle to keep up with the other clubs this season.11th

BLACKPOOL: Really hope they stay up as no one has really given them a chance and Ian Holloway deserves to be a Premier League manager. They were the dark horse last season in the Championship and could pull off a shock. They'll give it a good go but will just fall short. 18th

BOLTON: Spent very little money but Petrov from Man City and Blake from Burnley on frees could prove to be decent signings. A slight improvement on last season. 12th

CHELSEA: The million dollar question is who will win the league. Not particularly impressed by any of their signings and I think they will struggle as Man United will be out to put the upset of last season behind them. 3rd

EVERTON: Getting Jermain Beckford on a free was good business but David Moyes will have to wait and see whether he can cut it at this level. Have been consistently performing above their expectations but not one of their better seasons. 9th

FULHAM: My second club and a fantastic season last time out as they reached the final of the Europa League. After that success and losing Hodgson its going to be tough. They have £10m from Chris Smalling but are yet to make any signings except for Greening and Senderos who are not going to light their season up. 13th


LIVERPOOL: The most important signing is Roy Hodgson since he can use his man manager skills to get through to those under performers in his squad. He's managed to keep Gerrard and Torres, Joe Cole is a great signing and Poulson will add strength at the back. 4th



MANCHESTER CITY: Its hard to predict City's season since it all depends how their players mix together. They already have class in Adebayor and Bellamy and Yaya Toure and David Silva add to this attacking lineup but they still look too weak at the back and Mancini doesnt seem to possess the skills to get these players playing like they can together. 5th


MANCHESTER UNITED: Will still feel gutted about last season and some good signings in Smalling (paid too much though) and Hernandez will mean they pip Arsenal to the title. 1st

NEWCASTLE UNITED: Gosling is a decent signing but they've bought 1 player and will struggle this season. Sol Campbell is well past his best and they will leak goals without strengthening their back line. Just survive. 17th

STOKE: Signed Kenwyne Jones for a record fee and are difficult to beat. 10th

SUNDERLAND: I don't know what they were thinking signing Titus Bramble and losing Jones leaves a big gap up front. They lack a proven goalscorer and it will be a tough season. 15th

TOTTENHAM: Will struggle a little in the league due to extra matches (Champs League) and a stronger Liverpool and Man City will mean the slip down the table. 6th

WEST BROM: Myhill is an excellent keeper and Shorey is a good player but havent spent enough to survive. 20th


WEST HAM: Have spent money and Hitzlsperger on a free has plenty of experience. Will survive again but its rebuilding at Upton Park. 16th

WIGAN: Spent quite alot of money but not very well and they will struggle again this season. They've loaned Jason Koumas to Cardiff which seems a bad move since he could do a job in their midfield and they lack a 15 goal-a-season striker 19th

WOLVES: Spent money on a range on positions. Mick McCarthy is building a solid outfit at Molineux and they will do slightly better than last season. 14th

So to sum up
The top 6:
Man United
Arsenal
Chelsea
Liverpool
Man City
Spurs

Relegated
Blackpool
Wigan
West Brom

Top Scorer
Will take a punt and say Van Persie

So there we go, we'll see if any of that actually happens over the season. It's gonna be exciting...

Sport in Comedy

A new feature, when sport is used in comedy sketches...here is Mitchell and Webb's brilliant parody of the endless football on Sky Sports

Quotes of the Week #1

Here is the first Quotes of the Week section that'll be running from now on. If you hear any please send them to one of the adresses on the sidebar...

"I am a man with warm blood and now I'm used to the cold in the north."
Nani when asked about life in the North. Between Portugal and Manchester I know which I'd choose

"We've tried for Rooney, Ronaldo and Messi, but they haven't returned our calls yet."
Steve Coppell after Bristol City were linked with Michael Owen

"Players are only world class if they play to the best of their ability. If not, they are only world-class names. "
Roy Hodgson gives his Liverpool players something to think about. Roy for the England job!

"You can't be happy when you are not there. I always want to be there, no matter what happens. Actually, I did have a tear to be fair with my cousin and my mate. Then I played the best golf ever."
Theo Walcott when asked about not being included in the World Cup. His crazy golf is getting really good though!

"I need to feel loved when I am on the pitch."
Joe Cole. Someone give him a hug!

"It's a jigsaw, we need far too many pieces and the picture isn't on our box lid. We were expecting a different box."
More incredible interviews from Ian Holloway about the upcoming season in the Premier League. Absolutely no idea what this means

ARSHAVIN CORNER
For those who haven't already read it, Andrei Arshavin answers a weekly 'Q & A with Andrei' on his blog. Here are some of the best...

From DavidBeckhamHello Andrey. I’d like to ask you an obvious question that you’ve probably heard more than once before. Do you know a football player (who plays football now or played it in the past), who plays (played) football just like you, or a footballer you want to play like? I personally play in David Beckham’s style, I am not his idol, although I like the way he plays. He can kick the ball diagonally 40-80 meters away right at his teammate’s feet, though of course it is not everything he can do. Thanks in advance for your reply! Good luck in the English championship!
Arshavin: You are not Beckham’s idol? :)

From NikeMercurialHello! What shall I do to stop worrying when I come out on the pitch? When I play I often get confused ... I beg you - give me advice !!! You'll help me a lot, thanks in advance and good luck to you.
Arshavin: Stop worrying :)

From ZhenOKAndrey , how did you learn to manage the ball so masterfully?
Arshavin: I’ve been socializing with the ball for quite a while and we became friends :) But seriously, this is by nature.

From adar7My girlfriend has very touching feeling towards your butt, how have you managed to achieve such a result, share your secret, she also likes your arms and legs!
Arshavin: I got it from my parents. Doesn’t she pay any attention to your coxofemoral joints and limbs? ;)

So there you have it for this week, check back for more quotes next week

Sports Picture #1

This one has done the rounds but is an absolute beauty!

Review of the Week #1

This is the first Review of the Week where I'll be going through all the stories and events in the World of Sport (mainly football) during the week. Click on the links for articles, videos and the odd song...

Should I stay or should I go was the problem facing Darren Ambrose a week ago but the midfielder stayed at palace and his 20 yard strike helped Palace beat Leicester 3-2. The spotlight was taken by Wilfred Zaha who scored on his debut and is one for the future (you heard it here first!). QPR topped the table with a crushing win over Barnsley as 'One Size' Fitz Hall netted and although its too early to say I told you so, Pompey were easily beaten by Coventry as Football's favourite gypsy Freddie Eastwood scored twice.

David James's hairstyle couldn't help him keep out Millwall in his first game in goal for Bristol City and there was irony in abundance at Elland Road where Nigel Clough beat Leeds (if you haven't seen 'The Damned United' you should be ashamed). John Bostock, or 'Judas' to any Palace fans, scored a blinder for Hull as they beat Swansea and my predictions were dealt a blow as Notts Forest lost to relegated Burnley. A man of the match performance from the Ginger Ninja Paul Scholes helped United to a 3-1 win over Chelsea with United's second coming from Hernandez. The player tripped and kicked the ball onto his own face before it went in, the kind of goal Frank Spencer would have scored.

In other news, Paul Robinson has quit international football. The keeper never managed to retain his place after the moment he forget he left the cooker on against Croatia while Wes Brown (the most overrated player ever after Phil Neville) has also hung up his boots. Man City have said they're closing in on James Milner and Balotelli. Reminds me of those adverts you see in the middle of the day...'Are you an overrated, overpriced international footballer? Has Martin O'Neil made you a good player? Are you a twat? If so, we at Manchester City would like to sign you! Remember, we are 'no win, lots of fees!'

Outside of football, England are on the verge of thrashing Pakistan who were bowled out for 72 in their first innings with a batting display monty panasar would have been proud of (where did he go?) with Monty's fellow spinner Graeme Swann took 6 wickets in Pakistan's second innings. England's male hockey players (I know its normally a girls sport but it is interesting to watch) are into the final of the Champions trophy thanks to an amazing goal from James Tindall.

Should be more interesting next week as the Premier League gets under way...as Delia would say...let's be having you!

NEW SEASON!!!

Tomorrow is the start of the new season and the end of a painful period without football. Obviously this year we were lucky enough to have the World Cup but everyone knows that club football is what it is all about and personally I am more relieved than Fabio hearing of Heskey's retirement that this time is upon us once again.

The Premier League does not start till next week but that gives us time to analyse the teams and make our predictions. As for the Npower Championship, it is always an incredibly hard league to call especially on last years evidence as Blackpool gained promotion. My tips (I wouldn't rush to the bookies with these) are:

Promotion: Middlesbrough, Notts Forest

Play Offs: Leicester, Reading, Leeds, Palace

Relegated: Barnsley, Doncaster, Portsmouth

Ok, so maybe that last play off spot is slightly biased and that last relegation spot is a punt but it could happen, you never know! Wow, I'm almost as excited as this smug prick...