Quotes of the Week #8

"You had to learn the language and eat bake beans on toast, and jelly babies and mars bars and watch Only Fools and Horses!"
David Ginola on adapting to English Football

"You have to watch it on TV folks! It is absolutely bizarre. If ever there was a time when we could do with a referee or someone representing them to come out and give us an explanation, this would be the weekend.
Charlie Nicholas on Kuyt's goal

"I never feel under pressure. I feel very secure in myself and very positive. We will turn things around."
Paulo Sousa after his Leicester side was beaten 6-1 by bottom of the league Portsmouth

"You have to juggle around your team, I've found and when you keep changing your team, it makes it difficult to get continuity."
Harry Redknapp with a ridiculously obvious statement

"Surely if Houllier can motivate Heskey in a way that MON couldn't seem to do, there must be hope for us all. "
Aston Villa fan Craig Cochrane. He must be good if he makes Heskey look okay

"Emile is a players' player. I wouldn't fancy playing against Emile week in and week out."
James Collins. Rather him than Drogba

"Wenger has to get rid of this blind-spot he has got about goalkeepers because the ones he has got aren't good enough."
Matt Le Tissier

"The fans love him, the players love him. We would love him to stay here for years to come."
John Terry on Nicolas Anelka. I don't!

"There is a way to lose and win with dignity. I don't think Big Sam knows either."
Blackpool Fanzoner Adam Ogden

HAYE vs HARRISON BANTER

Harrison: "This is the mountains. I've got an axe - it ain't for David Haye, it's for the bears. We're in the wilderness and we ain't playing. David Haye better be ready for a serious, serious fight. We are as serious as a heart attack."

Haye: "We're going to contact the British Boxing Board of Control and request that Audley be allowed to use the axe in the ring on November 13. "I'm deadly serious about this. At least if Audley has an axe in his left hand, I might have something to look out for. Even with an axe in his hand, Audley doesn't stand a chance. What good is an axe if you're too scared to throw it? "It's a shame he couldn't have used the axe to cut through the rubbish that has been coming out of his mouth recently."

Harrison: "I start my training regime at 6am"

Haye: "I wake up at midday and I do my running when it feels right. "I'm conked out like a baby on Night Nurse at six o'clock in the morning and I admire Audley for his willingness to interrupt his sleep pattern to go for a jog. Rest assured, he'll be able to catch up on plenty of sleep when I finish with him on November 13.

TURNAROUND OF THE WEEK

19th September- "There is loud and clear talk in the bookies circle that some English players were paid enormous amounts of money to lose the match, no wonder there was total collapse of the English side"
Ijaz Butt

29th September- "I would like to make it quite clear that in the statements which I made I never intended to question the behaviour and integrity of the England players nor the ECB nor to suggest that any of them were involved in any corrupt practices or in a conspiracy against Pakistan cricket."
Ijaz Butt

CHANT OF THE WEEK

'You're just a sh*t Edgar Davids'
Palace fans at Robbie Savage

NUMBER CRUNCHING

£20k: What it would have cost to send a Nigeria team to the Homeless World Cup in Brazil. Organisers: "We tried our best but couldn't raise it, so we had to pull out. The players are broken hearted."

£520k: Amount Nigerian FA officials allegedly spent on sending 47 delegates plus 173 "friends and girlfriends" to South Africa. They deny fraud charges

2018 WORLD CUP NEWS

March: Fifa confirm the 2018 bid process will be "totally transparent" to protect its credibility.

September: David Beckham travels to Trinidad to coach 200 young players; Holland bid president Ruud Gullit travels to Trinidad to provide training to 25 Trinidad coaches. Trinidad MP Jack Warner – controller of three of 24 Fifa votes – says the gestures are "heartening".

HIGH MORALS

Russia 2018 head Vitaly Mutko says he's exasperated. "No matter what we say we are portrayed as a hotbed of corruption. It is not true." (£986: Cost of Mutko's hotel room per night for a 20-day trip to Vancouver. Mutko says an inquiry will find "nothing wrong".)

FIFA NEWS

£8.1m: Cost to South African taxpayers of the extra police needed this summer when Fifa's World Cup stadium security staff went on strike over low wages. A bill sent by the government to Fifa's local organising committee has not yet been paid. Fifa: "We have received the bill. It needs further discussion." (£2.5bn: Fifa's predicted profit from South Africa.)

ZERO TOLERANCE

War on racism news: football's governing bodies release their rulings on Lokomotiv Moscow fans displaying a banner featuring a banana, aimed at Peter Odemwingie. Fifa: "This is not for Fifa. It is a matter for the Russian FA or Uefa." Uefa: "This issue does not come under Uefa's jurisdiction. It is up to the national association". National association. "There was nothing racial in it."

HYPOCRIT OF THE WEEK

Portsmouth administrator Andrew Andronikou: taking action against Genoa for failing to pay part of Kevin-Prince Boateng's transfer fee. "They have all sorts of excuses. It's come to a point where we've had enough."£3m: Amount Portsmouth owed Spurs for Boateng when they went into administration. Total owed to other clubs: £17.3m.

LOVE NEWS

Uruguayan supermodel Zaira Nara on her love for Diego Forlán: "Diego has given me a time limit to become pregnant. By the time of the 2014 World Cup he wants me to have produced at least once. It is a lovely state of affairs. I am ready for a quiet life."
How Romantic!

Sports Picture #8

Here is Barcelona's Carlos Puyol...

As whoatellthepies put it, he looks life a caveman on smack

Here is his girlfriend, the model Molena Costa...

Sometimes life just isn't fair

And his dress sense is even worse...

From a magazine shoot he did this week. I find the disgusting purple trousers draw me away from his ridiculous floppy hair, thoughts?

Review of the Week #8

So Arsenal lost at home to the Baggies, United couldn’t beat Bolton and Chelsea lost against the first half decent side they’ve played this season. If that didn’t make me happy enough, my mate bet me that Chelsea would do an un-beaten season. Happy days!

United needed an OAP to salvage a point against Bolton ‘route one’ Wanderers (okay, he’s 31 but hasn’t done anything for years) while Chelsea were humbled by a Man City side that they should be beating.

Arsenal looked poor (except for Nasri) however a special mention must go to Almunia who even made Rob Green look good. Green on the other hand had an okay game between the sticks for West Ham and was obviously inspired by the story in the week about the businessmen who hit back against their local bank by deciding to use some sign language directed at the press boxes. Well done for making a couple of good saves Rob, but no one has forgotten about your inability to stop a rolling ball travelling at 5mph.

Liverpool needed a controversial goal and Stephen Gerrard not receiving a red card to get a point at home against Sunderland. With an embarrassing loss to Northampton in the week, they got off to a good start however IMO it shouldn’t have counted as it was only common sense that Sunderland weren’t taking the free kick. Believe it or not, the ref was Stuart Atwell. The same ref who gave the ghost goal and ridiculously sent Cahill off the other week. I know it’s a tough job, but FFS, how is he still refereeing Premiership matches?

I couldn’t believe my eyes as Emile Heskey…yes EMILE HESKEY scored a brilliant header to get a last gasp winner for Villa away at Wolves. I suppose stranger things have happened…

In the Championship, QPR won again with a 3-0 win to go 6 points clear at the top of the table with just 8 games played. Cardiff were playing Millwall in probably one of the friendliest fixtures of the season with Cardiff getting an 89th minute winner to stay 2nd in the league.

Palace’s poor away form got even worse with a heavy defeat away at Derby. Robbie Savage received his typical warm welcome, this time with the chant of ‘you’re just a sh*t Edgar Davids’. However the result of the week was at Portsmouth who, having scored 2 goals all season, put 6 past Leicester meaning they move off the foot of the table.

The Commonwealth games are being hosted in India this year however concerns have been raised about the safety and cleanliness of the site. The story of an Indian athlete finding a snake in his bedroom didn’t help India’s case some countries are considering pulling out especially after the report of the athlete who tried to lie on his bed and it collapsed.

Lewis Hamilton crashed again, this time in the Singapore for the night race as Alonso, Vettel and Webber claimed the top 3 spots. Button only managed 4th place meaning Webber currently leads the Drivers Championship by 11 points.

Finally, LA Galaxy have decided not to punish David Beckham after he confronted a fan who heckled him. The heckle- ‘stop with the prostitutes!’ LOL

Check back next week

Video of the Week

Watched Palace vs Derby yesterday so while telling Robbie Savage what I thought about him, I remembered this absolute jem...

John Terry

I'm sure everyone remembers the brilliant piece of defending by John Terry in the World Cup during the game against Slovenia where he threw his head into the path of a shot. Well, after the incident, people all over the world went photoshop crazy:

The original:

Photoshop:

And anyone remember Champions League Final 2008 when all John had to do was score a penalty to win the Champions League?

Video Collection

Cricket Fielding

With Cricket getting such a bad press at the moment, here are a collection of incredible pieces of fielding past and present...

Collingwood gets high...

Strauss's stunner...

Adam Vogues with a cheeky piece of fielding...

Jonty Rhodes destroys Inzamam's stumps

Brilliant catch although Dwayn Leverock's worst enemy is gravity when it comes to getting off the ground...

Always save the best for last. An incredible run out by AB de Villiers and in my opinion the best piece of fielding ever...

Let's hope Pakistani officials stop accusing people of being corrupt and the sport can move on

Quotes of the Week #7

"He has always been in my thoughts."
Gerard Houllier on Michael Owen. Sounds a bit gay dunnit.

"To captain Scotland is the pinnacle of your career, is it not?"
Barry Ferguson. I can think of better things

"Is Arsene more advanced than me in terms of coaching? Not a chance."
Big Sam. Yes, thats Sam Allardyce saying he's better than Arsene Wenger! What a mug!

"I've watched the free-kick since and Torres definitely made a meal of it. There's absolutely no doubt. He tried to get our player sent off."
Alex Ferguson ignoring the fact that Nani spent half the game falling over with every strong gust of wind

"This is biased reporting, this is biased information, this is a conspiracy against Pakistan cricket."
Ijaz Butt (Chairman of Pakistan Cricket Board). So it's a conspiracy but there is video evidence proving it!

"If you have a cancerous problem you go to the root of it."
Ian Botham says Pakistan should be banned from Cricket for the time being

"I wasn't going to pot the black because to make 147 and not really get a nice bonus was a bit disappointing because they are magical moments and they deserve magical bonuses."
Ronnie O'Sullivan. He left the final black while on 140 because there wasn't a prize for getting a 147 before the ref convinced him to pot it

MUGS OF THE WEEK

My mate Daniel: 'Newcastle tomorrow night'
My mate Matt: 'Yeah but that is pretty much a done deal'
They lost 4-3. Haha

BOARDROOM NEWS

David Sullivan says West Ham's old owners ran up debt on massive player contracts: "No one can blame the players for accepting the overgenerous contracts they were offered." (Also this month: Sullivan hands Scott Parker a four-year, £14.5m deal. Parker says he signed because of the fans: "The fans mean a lot to me. If you ask any player, the most important thing is being appreciated by the fans.")

NOT BEING SACKED

Avram Grant. "This will be reported as a vote of confidence," says David Gold, "but I assure you it is a proper one. Avram's job is safe."
(April: David Gold: "Gianfranco [Zola] has been through hell and back. But he knows he is part of West Ham. We couldn't ask for any more. I'll be asking him what he needs from us for next season." May: Sacks him.)

STAND BY YOUR PRINCIPLES

Real Mallorca say shirt sponsor Bet-at-home "crossed the line" with press ad campaigns using "explicit sex and drug themes", including one depicting pitch markings being snorted. Jaume Cladera said: "We will deal with this firmly. We are a sports institution: we want nothing to do with vice." Will the club cancel the £500k deal? "Well we won't do anything hasty."

SLAVE NEWS

Milan defender Massimo Oddo on why Serie A players could strike over a new contract structure aimed at stopping players running down their contracts to secure lucrative free transfers. "We are tired of being treated like objects." (Oddo's contract: £1.25m a year).

SVEN NEWS

January: Athole Still on client Sven's reputation. "For so long the media have tried to portray Sven as only in it for the money but nothing could be further from the truth. He's a football man."
September: Sven agrees to coach Al Hilal, say reports in Saudi Arabia. Salary for one season: £1.2m

HYPOCRIT OF THE WEEK

Staying vigilant: Sam Allardyce says Arsène Wenger is "very clever": "In saying people are trying to injure players he's trying, through the media, to influence referees."
2009: Sam previews Blackburn's game against Everton: "Most of the time Tim Cahill plays the man before the ball. It's whether the referee sees it. Sometimes they don't when a player is that clever."

More quotes next week

Sports Picture #7

Bit too close for comfort...

Review of the Week #7

Step aside Wayne Rooney. I couldn’t see where goals were going to come from for United this season but it seems Dimitar Berbatov, who has done nothing to justify £30million in the last 2 seasons, has finally found some form and can’t stop scoring. The Bulgarian’s hat trick helped his side to a 3-2 win over Liverpool who now sit in 16th place. There was a fiery atmosphere at Old Trafford however it wasn’t as rough as a game in Turkey this week where the manager was stabbed by his own brother! Can’t see Martin Ferguson following suit.

I found it odd that Fergie branded Torres a cheat after the game for apparently diving and going to ground too easily when Nani spent the whole game acting like a little girl every time he was touched. I know he wants to be like Ronaldo, but his diving is even worse and towards the end of the game it was just getting embaressing.

Darren Bent netted a 95th minute equaliser against Arsenal to leave Steve Bruce saying ‘it feels like a win’ and Wenger saying ‘merde’! Fabregas gave Arsenal the lead with one of the most bizarre goals of the season before Rosicky missed the chance to take 3 points with a crap penalty. There were only 4 minutes of stoppage time; you can imagine Arsene wasn’t happy.

With the Arse drawing, Spurs had two reasons to celebrate as two subs; Hutton & Pavlyuchenko secured in a 3-1 win over Wolves while new signing Sandro Ranieri didn’t feature. The Brazilian was left confused before Tottenham’s away fixture against Werder Bremen in the week as he turned up at Stanstead airport to be told by Harry Redknapp that he wasn’t in the squad. Sounds like unofficial squad translator Wilson Palacios was playing a practical joke.

Having lost at home to Blackpool, Newcastle won away at Everton thanks to a great strike from Ben Arfa. Can’t just be me who thinks his name sounds like a chav saying ‘Ben Arthur’.

After a midweek win over Zilina, Chelsea put 4 past Blackpool and now have a goal difference of 20 (although lets be honest, they've played Blackpool- Promoted, West Brom- Promoted, Wigan- sh*t, West Ham- sh*t, Stoke- not great). Next 3 games are Man City, Arsenal and Aston Villa- we'll see if Chelski fans are still as confident after those.

West Ham managed their first point away at Stoke minus Avram Grant thanks to Scott Parker who is by far their best player at the moment. However, a Match of the Day reporter obviously hadn't been watching the game and started his interview with Parker by saying 'Paul Mitchell here for Match of the Day with Mark Noble'. Mug

In the Championship, QPR went 5 points clear at the top of the table with a 2-0 win at Leicester while Middlesborough finally found some form with a 3-1 win against Reading.

The best game of the week was at Millwall who were beaten 6-1 by Watford much to the delight of pretty much every football fan in the UK.

In League 1, Peterborough missed out on going top as they drew with Exeter with Huddersfield taking advantage with a 4-2 win over Yoevil.

In other football news this week, a former caoch of the Togo National Team has been suspended after he hosted a fake match against Bahrain. Togo's Football Federation had no idea about the match where a group of players pretending to be the national team turned up and lost 3-0.

In cricket, Freddie Flintoff announced his retirement after consultation with medical advisors. Cricket will really miss his bowling and batting...although for me it will be him running out Ricky Ponting to effectively win the 2009 Ashes, the drunk interview he did the day after winning the ashes in 2005 and of course the infamous Pedalo incident.

In the 4th one dayer at the Oval, England were beaten by 38 runs by Pakistan. Pakistan Cricket Board Chairman Ijaz Butt said after that some England players were paid to lose the game. Talk about trying to deflect blame away from yourself...

At the Great City Games in Newcastle this week, spare a thought for Pole Vaulter Steve Hooker who missed the matt after his jump. That's gonna hurt in the morning!

Best interview of the week was courtesy of Ronnie O'Sullivan who is definately the most relaxed man in snooker. 'The Rocket', who often plays matches with his left hand, was on course for a 147 but decided not to bother with the final black because there wasn't any prize money for doing so. The best bit:
Interviewer: 'Irrespective of the money, scoring a 147 must have been nice to experience'
Ronnie: 'Na, not really, I mean I've have loads of 147's ya know so I don't really get excited about it, but the ref talked me into potting the final black so I thought 'why not?'

Check back next week

Video of the Week

Goalkeeper Fail...

Football lookalikes

Some good ones, some bad ones...

Check out pictures and videos on the other pages

Video Collection

Sky Sports News/Gillette Soccer Saturday

Some of the best banter around is on Gillette Soccer Saturday as Stelling, Merson, Kamara and co bring all the footballing news

Sky Sports News presenter Simon Thomas fluffs his lines and accidentaly says something quite rude...

Jeff Stelling is a Hartlepool Supporter, so when the club's striker James Brown scores twice in 3 minutes, what better way to celebrate?

Jeff Stelling taking the piss out of Paul Merson by using long words...

Hartlepool's Anthony Sweeney gets a last minute equaliser so Jeff performs the theme tune from the show that the Striker shares his name with...

More top banter as Jeff's celebration backfires...

Kammy misses a red card...

More videos next week

Lots more at 433's video page, here

Quotes of the Week #6

"We're only seven points off the top and the table is about as meaningful as an Oasis lyric."

Swindon FanZoner Christopher Panks

"No doubt I'll give him a bit of banter if he plays. There is a good chance he will get slaughtered. He normally gets quite a bit of stick anyway."

Phil Jagielka on Rooney.

"I might visit him in his hospital bed with some fruit maybe"

David Haye on his plans after his fight with Audley Harrison

"Aston Villa have got themselves a very good manager and I am not surprised Gerard has come back into the Premier League."

(Stephen) Gerrard on Gerard (Houllier)

"Let's put it to bed straightaway. I am not discussing any of my players' personal lives."

Alex Ferguson with a poor choice of words on the media surrounding Rooney

"The most important thing about the table is the end of the season, not now"

Avram Grant. But will you still have a job come the end of the season Avram?

"Since coming here he has not fulfilled that potential"

Hodgson on Babel. Basically, he's been sh*t

"We've only won it three times, which is not enough for this club, and we've been unlucky a lot of times. Other times we've just ballsed it up."

Alex Ferguson on Champions League hopes.

"He's a good goalkeeper and he needs to react like a man."

Grant on Rob Green. So it's just you then Avram who thinks he's a good keeper

FIFA THIS WEEK

Best use of Fifa World Cup income so far: four former Nigeria FA executives bailed on charges of embezzlement and financial mismanagement. Among the alleged spending: £520,000 on travel costs to South Africa for 47 delegates plus 173 "friends and girlfriends", with 1,263 complimentary tickets for "associates". All four deny the charges.

2018 NEWS

Russia's sports minister Vitaly Mutko says "disrespectful" English press have overplayed a one-off racist banner at Lokomotiv Moscow in an attempt to hurt Russia's bid. "Their focus is excessive".

Other one-offs since 2007:

• 20 Russia fans wear Ku Klux Klan hoods at a game against Poland
• Spartak fans greet their new black signing with a "Monkey go home" banner;
• Fans take a "Happy Holocaust" flag to a game against Jewish club Maccabi Moscow;
• Zenit fans lynch a toy black monkey; Zenit coach Dick Advocaat says: "I'd sign anyone, but the fans don't like black players";
• Andre Bikey reveals he carried a gun during his time with Lokomotiv: "It is very hard to be black there";
• And anti-football racism campaigner Ilya Dzhaparidze is stabbed to death - one of 71 neo-Nazi murders in 2009.

(Fifa's view: racism is "not an operational matter" so is "not a factor" in assessing 2018 bids.)

HYPOCRIT OF THE WEEK

Rio Ferdinand – says young pros are too focused on money and forget what matters. "Too many young lads get a contract and think they are set up for life. I was never content - I was always setting myself goals to play more football." Last time Rio wasn't content: 2005 - demanding a new £100k-a-week contract months after finishing an eight-month suspension for going shopping instead of taking a drugs test. Wages earned by Rio while suspended: £2.4m.

JUST SPECULATION

Wed 8 Sept: Nigel Adkins on links with Southampton: "Speculation like this just shows we're doing things right. I am ambitious and there will come a day when I walk out of here – but who knows when that will be? I am totally focused on Scunthorpe United."

Thu 9 Sept: Agrees terms with Southampton

SCANDAL OF THE WEEK

Bolivia say claims that half their U15 Youth Olympic Games winning side was over-age are "outrageous". Montenegro coach Sava Kovacevic said: "I couldn't stop thinking they looked like big boys. The keeper was a very big boy." Bolivian FA: "These allegations harm our boys' dignity. Maybe some forms were filled in wrong – but that's all."

LOVE NEWS

Argentinian press say actress Brenda Asnicar is ready to marry Carlos Tevez after a series of "love lockdowns" in discreet hotels. Asnicar, 18, says claims she is money-motivated are "unkind". "I know our love intrigues people," says Asnicar. "But we fit: I am a diva, and he is a footballer. He is a beauty, too!"

A beauty? Have you seen Carlos Tevez?

More quotes next week

Sports Picture #6

This is taken from 443's new 'PICTURE' page (link is here and top of this page)

Evra trying some acrobatics on saturday

Review of the Week #6

The big question this week was how much stick will Rooney get at Goodison. Well in the end, none. Sir Alex left the striker out of the squad and when asked about the players personal circumstances, the Scot replied ‘I am not discussing any of my players’ personal lives’…and then with an awful choice of words he added ‘Let’s put it to bed straight away’ (insert your own ‘Rooney’, ‘prostitute’, ‘bed’ gag here). Everton fans were gutted as they had several chants lined up, including my favourite, Bob Marley inspired, ‘No Woman, No Kai’. United fans goaded Everton fans with chants of ‘Rooney shagged your gran’.

It didn’t look like United were missing Rooney much as they found themselves 3-1 with 20 minutes to go thanks to goals from Fletcher, Vidic and Dimitar Bugger-off. Incredibly, Cahill and Arteta netted in the 91st and 92nd minute to get a point for the blue half of merseyside. The Premier League are meeting this month to decide whether they will fine Sir Alex £1000 for every game that he refuses to give the BBC a post match interview. He has had a boycott against the corporation since a Panorama in 2004 about the business activities of his son who was working as a football agent.

Chelsea carried on their good form with a thumping 3-1 win over the Hammers who look like they may struggle again this season. Scott parker scored a classy consolation goal as Cech's punch was expertly volleyed back over his head. The Chelsea keeper has obviously been taking lessons from Rob Green who brought back horrible memories of that USA game with an awful fumble which allowed Kalou to score Chelsea’s second.

Helping me forget about Green vs USA was my delight that we now have the safe and reliable Joe Hart between the sticks. So I was slightly confused to see Hart doing a 'David James' against Blackburn as he gifted Big Sam's side a goal.

One keeper who actually had a good weekend was Pepe Reina who made a Gordon Banks vs Pele style save in the first half and a string of other stops to keep the score 0-0. Liverpool will count themselves lucky against a Birmingham side who will be hoping for a top 10 finish.

Blackpool moved into a Champions League spot with a 2-0 win away at Newcastle. During the celebration of their opener, tribute was paid to Blackpool's youth coach Gary Parkinson who suffered a stroke on Friday. Charlie Adam help up a shirt saying ‘4 Parky’ after putting his spot kick away. Ian Holloway said after the match, it was his ‘proudest day in football’ and was a ‘phantasmagorical win’.
Bobby Zamora will be out for at least 4 months as he suffered a broken leg against Wolves. Fortunately for Fulham they seem to have found a replacement in Dembélé who scored on his debut to put Fulham level before getting the winner in the last minute.

Just back from suspension, Lee Cattermole, got himself sent off for 2 yellow cards against Wigan after 22 minutes! New signing Gyan (the bloke who missed the pen to put Ghana in the World Cup semi final) scored on his debut to earn Sunderland a point.

Arsenal scored their 1000th goal under Arsene Wenger as they beat Bolton 4-1 at the Emirates with one goal involving 24 passes in the build-up. Gary Cahill was unfairly sent off for a clumsy challenge by Stuart Attwell, the ref who gave the ghost goal last season. How a 26 year old referee can be back in the Premier League so soon after that incident is beyond me.

In the Championship, Palace were also left frustrated by the refereeing as Reading were awarded a penalty much to the surprise of Palace fans and Reading striker Sean Long, who after he had been tackled got up and started jogging back down the pitch. Cue chants of ‘We always get sh*t refs’ and ‘2-0, to the referee’.

Everton were beaten to best comeback of the week by Burnley who were 3-1 against Preston towards the end of the 90 minutes. But Billy Jones’s sending off for Preston in the 78th minute changed the game as Burnley scored in the 84th and 88th to equalise before claiming all 3 points in the 90th minute.

Doncaster nicked a 93rd minute equaliser to earn a point against Watford while QPR continued their excellent form with a 3-0 win against Middlesbrough.

Fernando Alonso won the Italian Grand Prix as Lewis Hamilton crashed out in the first lap while trying to pass Alonso’s Ferrari teammate Felipe Massa. The Brazilian went on to claim 3rd while Jenson Button took 2nd place meaning the top 5 drivers in the World Championship are just 25 points apart. Watch the ‘grand prix in 90 seconds’ here.

Andrew Strauss hit a century to help England take a 2-0 lead in the one day series against Pakistan. Strauss put on 146 with Jonathan Trott with Bresnan hitting the winning runs after Pakistan had achieved 294 with their 50 overs.

There was a shock at the US open as Novak Djokovic saved 2 match points before beating Roger Federer 5-7, 6-1, 5-7, 6-2, 7-5. The Serbian was due to play Nadal in the final yesterday but Rafa will have to wait till later on today to try and win his first US open.

The funniest news of the week was at St Andrews. A fan decided to propose on the pitch, to which the crowd started chanting 'You don't know what you're doing'.

Check back next week

Video of the Week

Turkey's Hamil Altintop scoring an incredible volley against Kazakhstan the other day in the European Championships Qualifying Group game...

Utter Twits

Triple Olympic champion Stephanie Rice has made a public apology for her homophobic twitter post after she wrote 'Suck on that faggots' after Australia beat South Africa in a Rugby League match. The Australian swimmer has angered gay rights groups and has lost a sponsporship deal with Jaguar.The story comes a few days after Kevin Pietersen was fined for writing 'Done for rest of summer! Man of the World Cup T20 side too...It's a fuck up!!' on his twitter page. His fellow England batsman Dimitri Mascarenhas was also fined for calling national selector Geoff Miller 'a prick' on his account.

Many sports stars now have been warned about what they write on their twitter sites which can be viewed by anyone. Darren Bent has now closed his twitter account to 'focus on getting Sunderland out of a relegation battle' but I reckon the club has had a quiet word with him after he caused controversy last year by writing 'Stop fucking around Levy' about the Spurs Chairman.

Another Australian, footballer Lisa de Vanna has been forced to remove sexually suggestive photos from her facebook profile after a 13 year old fan found them after looking up her sporting hero. Football Federation Australia has asked De Vanna to take the pictures down which can be viewed by anyone

However the best telling-off for internet activity was by Tranmere Chairman Peter Johnson who last year appointed Dornoch Capital to sell his 60% share in the club. Soon after, he found that the company had placed Tranmere Rovers on Ebay with a starting price of $10,000,000 (£6.1million). And it comes with Free Shipping!

Video Collection

Talksport Magazine Videos

Some of Talksport Magazine's funny videos where they use clips from interviews and then do their own voice-over...

No one likes Ashley Cole

Phil Neville won't admit Gary Neville is his brother

Fabio annoys Maradona

No one likes Gary Neville

Rafa hits back

If you're on youtube, have a look at any new ones they have up

Quotes of the Week #5

"He is available now for about £8million. He is a quality player. He is a Dutch international and a great fotballer. "
Harry Redknapp on Rafael Van der Vaart. What a wheeler and dealer

"It was something that wasn't meant for the public domain and I apologise for it entering the public domain and I also want to apologise for the language I used."
Kevin Pietersen after his foul-mouthed rant on twitter. You do know the public can view your twitter page kevin?

"Four years at Spurs, for 11million euros, I can hardly believe it myself."
Rafael Van der Vaart happy to be at Spurs. That's around £90,000 a week, I'm not suprised he's pleased

"You've got your team-mates working their nuts off for 90 minutes and the last thing they need is for the goalkeeper to go and do something stupid."
Joe Hart. *cough* Rob Green *cough*

"The team hasn't been picked yet, but obviously I relish that position on the pitch where I can get forward and support the attacking players."
Stephen Gerrard. Wish you could have played that kind of role in the World Cup

"The referee, we know, is just from a couple of hundred yards' breaststroke down the river from here, from Corfu. Uefa have saved on expenses on this one, it's not too far from here."
John Toshack after Wales's loss to Montenegro. The referee was Greek which happens to be right next door

"He's had a lot of close matches with top players before so I'm going to have to play very well to win that one"
Andy Murray. He played like a retard

"The public want to see one final high-profile destruction of Audley Harrison, and I'm only too happy to do my duty for the British people."
David Haye not lacking in confidence

"I have worked too hard to be beaten by someone of the calibre of Audley Harrison. I am not only going to beat him, I am going to humiliate him, I am going to destroy him and I am going to retire him."
David Haye. I reckon he thinks he might win this fight

"He has the mentality of a 15 year old"
Pakistani cricketer Afridi on Yasir Hameed who backtracked about remarks he made on the spot betting cricket scandal

GENEROUS FIFA

New from Sepp: a pledge to release emergency aid from Fifa's Special Projects Fund to help Pakistan's football infrastructure recover. Sepp: "Contributing to alleviate suffering and maintain human dignity after disasters within the football family is a responsibility Fifa takes very seriously."

Last time Fifa used their £559m fund to aid disaster relief: February – sending £1.9m to Haiti.

Four months later: Sepp gives £45.5m in one-off bonuses to Fifa member associations, ahead of next year's elections. "Just call it a gift!"

CALM DOWN DEAR

June: Reports of low season-ticket sales are malicious, says a Manchester United spokesman: "We are very happy. Anybody who is saying there has been a poor uptake is lying."

August: United miss their season ticket sales target by over 2,000; other figures show their debt now includes £236m owed to hedge funds. United: "The bare facts are that the club is in good financial shape."

NUMBER CRUNCHING

£45k: Welling United's outstanding tax debt – the club given 14 more weeks to pay it or face being wound-up. "The club will pursue all avenues to raise the necessary finance."

40: Number of hours it takes Yaya Touré to earn £45,000 in basic salary at Man City.

BEST WHEELER DEALER

Harry Redknapp, early on deadline day: "I thought it was April Fools' Day with some of the players we've been linked with. We're not doing anything today."

End of deadline day: "Van der Vaart was going for £18m. Suddenly it became an awful lot cheaper."
Even after Harry explicitly said he wasn't a wheeler dealer

CHAIRMAN OF THE WEEK

Nicola Cortesa, Southampton.
May: Says press claims of a developing rift with manager Alan Pardew were an attack on their "mutual trust". "This speculation could be interpreted as a deliberate attempt to unsettle both the club and Alan. Without exception it is ill informed."

August: Sacks him

More quotes next week

Sports Picture #5

A bit childish I know...

Review of the Week #5

So this weekend was the international break when millions of men all round the country tell their wives that they're going to stay at home and look after them instead of going to football.

After the pain of watching England in the World Cup, it almost seemed like a chore to watch them play Bulgaria on friday night but a Jermain Defoe hattrick and tidy shot from Adam Johnson capped off an impressive performance. I'm not getting my hopes up (cos when that happens we get stuffed in the last 16 of the World Cup) but if Hart, Johnson and Defoe carry on in that form, we could well go into the 2012 European Championships with a good chance of qualifying from our group!

Elsewhere, Wales had a shocker as they lost 1-0 away to Montenegro while Scotland were held to a scoreless draw in Lithuania. The Scotland manager Craig Levein has expressed his anger at the Liechtenstein management who refused to send the Scottish FA the tape of their game against Spain ahead of their fixture on Wednesday night. Fair enough they should send the tape...but it's bloody leichtenstein! Its a country with 35,000 people! Frankly, if you need a DVD to work out how to beat them, you don't deserve to go to the European Championships.

Republic of Ireland beat Armenia 1-0 away and against Andorra on Wednesday have a chance to win their first competitive fixture by more than 1 goal under Trapattoni. Let me put into context how poor Andorra are. Their best player plays for the best club in Andorra who lost 9-1 on aggregate to the 4th best team in Denmark in EUFA Cup qualifying. Come on Ireland, you can score 2!

The oddest result of the weekend was in Group H with Portugal vs Cyprus ending 4-4 with Cyprus getting a last minute equaliser. Premier League's Mark Clattenberg watched on as a Portugal defensive error gifted Cyprus a point. Amazing highlights here if you've got a few minutes spare.

There were games in League 1 and the leagues below yesterday. Bottom of the league beat top as Brentford got their first win of the season against Sheffield Wednesday while Charlton Pathetic were beaten by an Exeter Penalty in the last minute (what a shame). In League 2, Torquay lost their 100% record as they were leapfrogged by Shrewsbury who went top with a win over Rotherham.

After Middlesbrough's 2-0 loss against Ipswich last weekend, Gordon Strachan was asked, "any action before the transfer window closes?". To which the Scot replied. "I don't know, you'd better ask my wife. But if I come in on Monday with a big smile on my face then you'll know the answer!" Always got a witty answer has Gordon.

My favourite football story this week was of Norwich fan Joe Green who was beaten up after the away game at Nottingham Forest because he was wearing an all-in-one green lycra (morph) suit. I know it's bad that he was beaten up but if you're going to wear that to a football match and spend the game getting lary, what do you expect.

One Nottingham Forest Fan said after the game, 'I felt sorry for him when I read about it but it seems he is a bit of an attention seeking tw*t (well, walking about looking like a gherkin you'd have to be anyway). Now, I'm not condoning him getting hit but to me simple logic dictates: act like a dick goading home fans whilst wearing bright green suit = someone's going to spank you!" Well said that man!


England won the first of 2 ODI's against Pakistan with the controversy over the alleged spot-fixing plot hanging over the game.

Andy Murray is winning his 3rd round US Open match against Stanislas Wawrinka as I type. The Scot will want to get through the early rounds with as little effort as possible since this is his best chance to date of winning a slam. He'll probably mess it up but maybe if he wins we'll actually see a smile. That'd be nice.
Edit: He messed it up

Check back next week when they'll be some proper football to talk about

Video of the Week

So it's the US Open at the moment and in a 1st round match between Roger Federer and Brian Dabul, Federer pulls out an amazing trick shot...

Guess who I saw

So I was at Notting Hill Carnival on Monday when a man who I recognised walked past me. After a minute trying to work it out, I realised it was Neil Horan. Cornelius Horan is a defrocked Roman Catholic clergyman who is noted for his traditional Irish dancing and preaching the words of the bible.

However, Horan is better known for an incident at the 2003 Grand Prix at Silverstone. Wearing a kilt, Horan ran across the track waving a religious banner saying ‘read the bible, the bible is always right’, while playing chicken with the Formula 1 cars moving onto the 200mph Hangar Straight.

A year later, at the 2004 Olympic Games, Horan ran onto the course of the Men’s Marathon event near the 35km mark. Carrying a sign saying ‘The Grand Prix Priest. Israel Fulfilment of prophecy says the Bible, the second coming is near’, Horan pushed Brazilian Vanderlei de Lima (who was leading the race) into the crowds alongside the course.

Horan was arrested and Lima started to suffer from leg cramps and muscle pain. Although he continued the race, he finished third. Lima was awarded the ‘True Spirit of Sportsmanship medal’ but said about the incident, ‘That’s what cost me the gold medal’.

Before the 2006 World Cup in Germany, Horan wrote to Angela Merkel and ‘The Kingdom’ newspaper in County Kerry saying that he would dance a peace jig outside the stadium in Berlin and carry a sign saying ‘Adolf Hitler was a good leader who was following the word of Christ’ before giving a Nazi Salute and lighting a candle for Hitler at the Gestapo Headquarters. He was arrested by German police before he was able to do any of this and and spent 2 months in custody.

I’m sure you’ll agree, what a absolute bastard!

Video Collection

Goals you may not have seen

Here are 4 of my favourite goals that you may not have seen before...

Thierry Henry

In a pre-season match, after a long ball from Senderos, Henry uses 3 touches without letting the ball touch the ground to control the ball, beat his man and lob the keeper

No idea who this man is but in an indoor 5-a-side match, he scores the best goal of his life

Roberto Carlos

A better known goal but doesn't get the views it deserves. An incredible strike which you have to watch a few times to work out how it bends into the area and then the opposite way into the goal

Muzzy Izzet

The Turkish midfielder had a good career in English football, but for me, this is one of the best goals (for technique) I have ever seen